Whether you’re like Rihanna and whips and chains excite you or you just want to try something new, experimenting with BDSM is a great way to spice things up in the bedroom. But where to begin? With so many options on the BDSM menu, it’s normal if you feel a little overwhelmed. That’s why we’re serving up 5 BDSM ideas for beginners that don’t require you to build your own sex dungeon.
Before we get started
If you’re not sure exactly what BDSM is, make sure to check out BDSM for beginners where you’ll find an explanation of what the letters stand for as well as some important safety tips. With that said, let’s turn up the temperature with our 5 hot BDSM ideas for beginners.
Learn the ropes
1. Light Bondage
Bondage basically involves restraining your partner or being restrained. Many people like the vulnerable or submissive feeling that bondage gives them as well as the excitement they get from not being able to resist the dominant partner. On the other hand, being restrained gives some people a feeling of safety or relaxation.
It’s important to know that while there’s a wide range of restraints out there – we’re talking about everything from handcuffs, ankle cuffs, collars, chastity belts, gags, blindfolds, spreader bars, ropes, body bags to cages – it’s a good idea to start out light.
If you’re a bondage beginner, it could be overwhelming to jump straight to the more hardcore options. It could even be dangerous if you restrain somebody too tightly or in the wrong way.
When you’re just starting out, scarves are a good place to start as it’s hard to do damage with them, unlike ropes for example. Using silk or satin scarves can feel particularly tantalizing on the skin. If you don’t have any scarves, you don’t have to rush out and buy new toys. You could use things you already have at home like neckties or even bathrobe belts.
To begin with, we suggest tying the submissive partner's wrists to the headboard of the bed with scarves. If you don’t have a headboard, you could always tie the wrists together. Anything that makes the person pleasantly restrained will do the job. Just make sure that two fingers can be slipped between the scarves and the skin so you don’t cut off the circulation.
While one partner is restrained, the other partner can drive them wild by telling them all the sexy things they’re going to do to them, before proceeding to lick, nibble, kiss, spank or fuck their partner. Basically anything you’ve both decided you want to do.
And remember: start slow, communicate often, and focus on pleasure, especially the pleasure of the restrained partner. Importantly, if it’s not giving you physical or emotional pleasure, move on to something else. There are many more options on the BDSM menu to try.
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2. Power Play Role Play
Power play essentially involves one person taking a dominant role and the other a submissive role. Some people like to switch roles from time to time but usually people have a preference for one of the other.
To get started, think about some of your sexual fantasies. Does a teacher/student dynamic turn you on? How about a doctor and patient? Or a run in with a police officer? Whatever it is that gets your juices flowing, talk about it with your partner. If you’re both up for it, why not try it out?
If you enjoy dressing up, this is a great opportunity to style some sexy outfits and add any clothing fetishes into the mix. Of course, you can also incorporate bondage into role play. After all, what police officer role play would be complete without handcuffs, or some light spanking? Which leads us to our next suggestion…
3. Basic Impact Play
Impact play ties into the sadomasochism element of BDSM and basically involves one person receiving impact – for example being flogged, whipped, caned or spanked – for gratification.
Basic impact play activities often flood the receiver with happy hormones like endorphins, dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. No wonder that erotic spanking is one of the most popular BDSM activities.
Before trying out erotic spanking with a partner, it’s a good idea to try spanking yourself. You could use your hands, a belt, kitchen utensils or anything else lying around the house which you’d like to use. Discover what you like and communicate that with your partner. Most importantly, remember to stay safe…
Safety advice for safe and fun erotic spanking
When spanking or being spanked, It’s important to stay away from major organs, the head, ears and the spine, where you could easily do some real damage. You should also ask the partner who is going to be spanked if they have any injuries or sensitive areas you should stay away from.
Generally, it’s best to stick to meatier areas like the butt, legs and thighs. We suggest starting your spanking adventures by focusing on the gluteal sulcus, or gluteal fold, which is where the butt meets the thighs. Spanking in an upwards motion and hitting this spot helps to activate the pudendal nerve, which sends signals to the genital area.
It’s important to start slowly and warm up the butt by rubbing it and then begin with gentle tapping. As you gradually increase the intensity of your spanks, keep checking in with your partner and remind them of any safe word or safety gestures you agreed on. And any time you level up the intensity, remember to rub the butt to prepare the area for harder spanks.
If you’d like to discover more about spanking, you’ll learn a lot from listening to Time to Play in our Kinky Sex collection. Or by finding toys for it here or here.
4. Sensation Play With A Blindfold
Sensation play is the intentional creation of specific physical sensations in a submissive partner’s body. This can include any kind of sensual play that activates your five senses. Examples include tickling, spanking, wearing nipple clamps to increase nipple sensation, introducing taste with edible lube… The possibilities are endless.
One way to heighten your senses is to deprive the submissive partner of sight by wearing a blindfold. You can also incorporate some bondage by lightly restraining the submissive partner, and then introducing various sensations with different objects.
Blindfolded sensation play allows the non-blindfolded person to be in control while the blindfolded person surrenders to them. You can even make it into a game by rewarding your partner with a massage for correctly guessing the object you’re touching them with and spanking them as a punishment for guessing incorrectly.
Some beginner-friendly ideas include tickling the submissive partner with a feather or ribbon, tracing their skin with a small and soft wet paintbrush, or giving them oral sex after having a hot or cold drink.
5. Ice Play
Another type of sensation play, ice play is a kind of temperature play that usually involves running pieces of ice across a person's naked skin – a refreshing activity for hot summers! While ice play has its dangers, it's safer than fire play for BDSM newbies.
So what’s the idea behind ice play? Basically, the cold sensations produced by the ice constrict blood flow to the affected area. The contrast of the cold on your hot skin floods the body with a rush of sensations that some people find incredibly stimulating.
One idea to experiment with ice play in the bedroom is to tease your partner by licking an ice cube, then placing it between your lips and kissing them. The contrast between the cold ice and your hot lips will be spine-tingling. You could even suck on an ice cube before giving them oral sex. Or how about running an ice cube over their body while they’re blindfolded for an icy treat.
Just remember not to use anything too cold. And as a general rule of thumb, if it’s too cold to hold in your hand, it’s too cold for the genitals and any other sensitive areas.
Continue your BDSM adventure with Emjoy
We hope you’ve been inspired by our beginner-friendly BDSM ideas. To learn more, don’t miss Emjoy’s audio collections BDSM Basics and Kinky Sex where you’ll find plenty more BDSM ideas to get you started. You can also check out our BDSM for beginners guide on our Youtube channel. If you're interested in buying bdsm toys then take a look here.
