It’s time to turn the temperature up with a bit of wax play! But hold your horses you kinky devil! Before you go lighting that scented candle that’s been collecting dust on your bedside table for years, save yourself a trip to A&E and learn how to do wax play safely.
And in case you’re a total wax play newbie, or could just do with a refresher, let’s do a quick recap.
What’s wax play and why do people like it?
If you’d like to try something that incorporates sensation-, temperature- and pain play, then wax play could be for you. A practice made popular by the BDSM and Kink community, wax play essentially involves lighting a candle and dripping the wax onto the submissive partner’s skin.
While the main appeal for some is to enjoy the warmth of the wax on their erogenous zones, others are more turned on by the feeling of having the wax slowly peeled off those areas once it’s cooled down. For others, part of the appeal is treating their partner’s body like a human canvas by pouring layers upon layers of different coloured wax on them.
While it might sound scary, it isn’t actually as painful as you might think. It's a fantastic way to (quite literally) heat things up in the bedroom, but it’s important to follow a few safety guidelines.
Wax play safety tips
1. Choose your candles carefully
You can’t just use any old scented candle you have lying around the house. These candles generally burn at a higher temperature and could easily cause burns. Candles made from beeswax, microcrystalline wax and stearin also melt at higher temperatures and are unsafe for wax play. Instead, you should use unscented, soy-based or paraffin candles, or even better: candles specifically designed for wax play which burn at lower temperatures.
For wax play newbies, we recommend using body massage candles. These are the safest candles to use if you’re new to wax play as they burn at a much lower temperature, plus they usually contain oils that nourish your skin and leave it feeling silky soft. Alternatively, you could even melt crayons or birthday candles, which also have low-burning temperatures.
Just melt the wax for 20-30 minutes, let it cool and start dripping!
2. Make a safe play area
Before you strike that match, you need to create a safe environment. Remove all flammable items from the surrounding area like tissues, alcohol and hair products and keep an eye on bed sheets and underwear which could easily catch alight in the heat of the moment.
It’s also a good idea to keep a bucket of warm (not cold) water nearby so that if someone does get burnt, they can cool down the affected area quickly. Never use cold water as the sudden temperature difference can shock the system and make the burn even worse.
We know it sounds extreme but having a fire extinguisher isn’t a bad idea either. Better safe than sorry after all!
3. Stay Sane
Whether you’re pouring wax on your partner or having it poured on you, it’s important you’re both 100% aware and vigilant in the moment. We advise against taking any drugs or drinking alcohol before engaging in wax play as they can dull your senses and slow down your faculties. If you’re the receiving partner they could increase your pain tolerance, making it difficult to know when you’ve reached your limit, and if you’re the pouring partner, you might not be able to stop quickly enough if your partner wants to stop.
So whatever you do, make sure the only drug you’re getting high on is sexy, sexy pleasure!
4. Prep the skin
Once the wax cools and hardens, it can be a bitch to remove from areas with body hair. That’s why we suggest avoiding hairy areas altogether or removing the hair before your wax play session.
If hair removal isn’t an option for you, applying baby oil to the skin will make it much easier to clean off the wax later and as well as protecting against irritation. Plus, this gives you the perfect excuse to indulge in a sensual massage before you bring out the wax. Win-win!
5. Test the temperature
Always test the wax on the back of your hand or your wrist to make sure the temperature is bearable before dripping it on other areas. One way to change the temperature is to drip the wax from different heights. The greater the distance between the wax and your skin, the cooler the wax when it hits your skin and vice versa. To avoid burns, don’t get any closer than 15 cm or 6 inches.
6. Avoid sensitive areas
While wax play can feel great on areas like your back, torso, arms and legs, you should keep the wax away from sensitive areas like your face, genitals and soles of your feet. The stomach and thighs can also be super sensitive, so proceed with caution.
7. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Just because you find the wax bearable, doesn’t mean your partner does. We all have a different tolerance for pain!
As with anything involving sex, remember to communicate with your partner and establish a safe word first. This could be something as simple as a traffic light system where “green” means continue, “yellow” means proceed with caution and “red” means stop.
You could also substitute the word “stop” for something you’d never usually say during sex like “watermelon” or “fax machine” – basically any random word which makes it clear it’s time to pack it up.
We also recommend establishing clear boundaries about exactly where you’d like the wax to be dripped before you get started so you can enjoy the experience fully without any nasty surprises. Even if your partner has authorized certain body parts, always double check before moving between different areas. What feels great on their calves may be too hot on their inner thighs for example.
8. Don’t forget aftercare
Once you’ve finished your smoking hot wax play session, we suggest relaxing with a calming activity like drinking a cup of tea, cuddling or giving your partner a massage with aloe vera gel to cool down the skin. This is also the perfect moment to talk about what went well, what didn’t and what you’d like to do next time.
Learn more about how to spice up your sex life with Emjoy
If you’re interested in learning more about BDSM activities, make sure to read 5 Hot BDSM Ideas for Beginners.
We also have entire wellbeing collections about BDSM and kinky sex that you can listen to anytime, anywhere. Trust us, they're gonna take your sex from vanilla to honey pistachio and PB&J Swirl kinky kinda sex ;)